And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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