I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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