At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
