Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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