Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
