i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize