I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
