I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
