He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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