I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Never joke about your clitoris.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
