You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
