and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
