Whoa Z and x make the same sound
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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