you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
