wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
