shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
