If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
