We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
