He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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