You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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