I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
