You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What drink are we having for lunch?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
