I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
