I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Randomize
