Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize