I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
