He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
