Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
