Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
