i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize