i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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