Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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