There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
