She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize