He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
