it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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