Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
