She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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