I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
