i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
