Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
