I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize