either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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