She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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