Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
