i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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