ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
