how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize