she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
