i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
