One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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