Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
