Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
