Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
