ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
