I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
