Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Let's paint friendship bongs
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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