i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
