well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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