I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
