the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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