apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
