I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
