Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
pop tarts are not kleenex
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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