when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
