I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
