Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
