I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
