i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
