I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Are we in a gay sports bar?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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