Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize