Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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